A taste of who I am: Self Portrait Challenge

in the kitchen, originally uploaded by roxydynamite.

Here I am in my kitchen. Probably my favorite place in the house. I saved for several years to redecorate it. I think it's perfect. What really makes it perfect though, is that it is my refuge. As many kitchens in my past have been over the years. In a kitchen, my worries disappear like steam over a simmering soup. I have lots of cookbooks but most times I'll be inspired by an ingredient and go from there. In this photo, I am making a mango salsa for a group of friends. Earlier in the day, I went to the farm market to buy produce. Back home, I slipped on a vintage apron and got to work in a patch of sunlight. Wielding a chefs knife. The air perfumed with mango and cilantro. My fingers sticky.
My grandfather was a chef. I spent countless hours watching him in the kitchen. He let me stay if I was quiet and stayed out from under his feet. I followed his instructions and marveled at the way he tested meat for doneness with his bare hands. He never used measuring cups or spoons. Every morning he rose long before I woke and went to work baking everything from scratch, planning menus, running a kitchen crew, feeding fancy country club people. It all seemed so magical to me. I saw how people reacted to the food he cooked. Pushing back in their chairs, eyes closed, sighs escaping. I enjoy pleasing people in the same way. Whether it's a dinner party for six, a dish at a potluck or just a simple supper at home; I try to make the meal memorable.
When I'm cooking I think about who I'm preparing the meal for. I keep in mind my friends dietary needs and preferences. No dairy for Cyndemouse. No meat for Talulah. Extra well done for J-Po. I think that the pots I use today once belonged to my grandparents. I wonder who once wore my apron. My thoughts are quiet and of things and people I love.
In the kitchen, I feel competent. Confident. As if what I'm doing is worthwhile. I don't always feel those things. But in my refuge, I'm all those things and more.

Things to note:
This photo was taken by that darling man, Brent Hirak, while visiting in July 2004.

Self Portrait Tuesday has morphed into Self Portrait Challenge. Look for more self portraits at the website and the Flickr group. This month's theme is "Introduce Yourself." Won't you try it yourself?